This
is the blog before I wrote my own |
||||||
|
|
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
Garage Sale!
Hey Folks, this blog is moving, so I am having a garage sale. I notice that over the past few months I have gathered an abundance of "k"s and I will be selling them on eBay. The blog is now located at www.hahaha.com.au/weblog Come on over. I will be keeping the same phone number, mail will be redirected. With a bit of luck, the kids won't find the new place. Friday, September 12, 2003
Bugger Westpac, THIS is exciting
Moving into the 1960s faster than I can handle it, Plusdeck has shown they are on the leading edge of technology with this product the Plusdeck PC Cassette Deck. Yes folks, the thrill of making cassette tapes from the luxury of your PC. UPDATE: I clicked on the "download software" link and found this gem Installation for plusdeck program. Don't fuck with me Westpac is going into panic mode. I called "customer support" and asked about the $5 fee on a 10c deposit (see below). He was a bit flustered and put me through to a business colleague. I asked business colleague what would happen if 10,000 people put 10c into some unsuspecting person's account. Business colleague was thrown and put me through to a supervisor. Supervisor suggested that there would $5 per transaction and I said, well, we might try it. She was lost for words and is getting someone higher up to call me back. It was made very clear I am going to bring this matter to a head as I reckon charging $5 for the deposit slip is nothing short of highway robbery. My guess is that statements like "there is likely to be bad publicity on this" may get a reaction. Thursday, September 11, 2003
Volunteer wanted
OK, I need someone with a dislike of banks, who also has one of those tax set-off accounts with Westpac and is into creating some mischief. (see Westpac strikes again) Here's how it goes. I go into a branch of Wespac a few times a week and every time I do I make a 10c deposit into your account. Nothing illegal or wrong with me doing that. I am being philanthropic, sharing my wealth. At the end of the month you get your bank statement and you have notice (say) 40 deposits of 10c each and that you are $4 richer. Woohoo! But hang on, each of those deposits has cost you a $5 fee because it has been done over the counter. You didn't do it, you didn't ask anyone to do it, you might not even know who it is doing it. As the depositor I would gladly own up to what I am doing - what's the problem with me putting money into someone's account. Can they order me not to? I doubt it. How is Westpac going to handle that? Anyone up for it? OK...I see the flaw in my logic and I am willing to speak it before someone else does. Why don't I volunteer my account as the recipient of all these donations? This leads me to an idea of a bigger mischief. The internet is a big place and a powerful way of spreading an idea, I wonder how many strangers I can get to donate me 10c? The revolution is not only for revolutionaries. A day without something funny happening is like...today. Since blogger has dropped its "pay for extras" model and decided that it is all free, Free, FREE, like the internet was mean to be, the world will never be the same. Or did that already happen? Tuesday, September 09, 2003
Westpac Strikes Again.
A rhetorical question for you. Do you wonder why people hate banks? Here's another addition to my list of reasons. I get my bank statement and there is a $25 fee related to another account linked to the main one. The account allows unlimited free electronic deposits but only 2 free withdrawals. It is a GST holding account, so fair enough. The Sheila had accidentally deposited a cheque into the account when she grabbed the wrong deposit book (now torn in half). I call and spend the usual 30 minutes on the phone and we work out that there are 2 cheques in and 1 extra withdrawal so $15 fee, but $25?. We get nowhere and Sue decided "We'll have to call you back". Sue calls back and as you can imagine, the $25 is correct. "You aren't going to like this" she says and she was right. When I deposit a cheque it attracts a $5 fee. OK, it was a mistake, but I will wear it. But how about this. The deposit slip, the piece of paper that accompanies the cheque so they know what account to put it in, ALSO attracts a $5 fee. No, I'm not kidding. This means that if you go in and deposit $2 in cash, guess what... Me: "So, how can I make a deposit without a deposit slip?" Her: "You can't" How come banks complain about being robbed when they set the standard? Friday, September 05, 2003
You want Dimethylpolysiloxane with that? Just saw that a judge in the US has tossed out a claim against McDonalds for causing obesity. Now, I am far from a supporter of McDonalds, but if these idiots think of Ronald McDonald as a health advocate, no wonder they eat there. What, you eat in their "cafes" too? Well, here is what the judge had to say about Chicken McNuggets in his original statement...Rather than being merely chicken fried in a pan, they are 'a McFrankenstein creation of various elements not utilized by the home cook.' His decision listed 30 or 40 ingredients other than chicken, and noted that although chicken is regarded as healthier than beef, Chicken McNuggets are actually far fattier. "It is at least a question of fact," he held, whether a reasonable consumer would know that a McNugget "contained so many ingredients other than chicken and provided twice the fat of a hamburger." So...just what is in them??? water, salt, modified corn starch, sodium phosphates, chicken broth powder (chicken broth, salt and natural flavoring (chicken source)), seasoning (vegetable oil, extracts of rosemary, mono, di- and triglycerides, lecithin). Battered and breaded with water, enriched bleached wheat flour (niacin, iron, thiamine, mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid), yellow corn flour, bleached wheat flour, modified corn starch, salt, leavening (baking soda, sodium acid pyrophosphate, sodium aluminum phosphate, monocalcium phosphate, calcium lactate), spices, wheat starch, dried whey, corn starch. Batter set in vegetable shortening. Cooked in partially hydrogenated vegetable oils, (may contain partially hydrogenated soybean oil and/or partially hydrogenated corn oil and/or partially hydrogenated canola oil and/or cottonseed oil and/or corn oil). TBHQ and citric acid added to help preserve freshness. Dimethylpolysiloxane added as an anti-foaming agent - oh...and some chicken. Tuesday, September 02, 2003
We all know how hard it is to reverse park, but this mathematical formula for parallel parking should make everyone's life easier. I don't understand why it isn't stuck on the dashboard of every car. Thursday, August 28, 2003
From http://www.evermaxx.com.tw - I reckon this would go down well on your girl friend's birthday. Pen Cum Perfume. I just wonder how you fill it :P
Friday, August 22, 2003
Wrote an email to someone and they replied. Excellent...except that somehow on the bottom of the email was this: PeterI can't help myself so sent this back... Hi Pauline,I hope she is really superstitious. Tuesday, August 19, 2003
Sometimes an error message is bad news, but this one wasn't.  In case you were wondering, no...the program didn't work despite there being "no error" :P Saturday, August 16, 2003
I know that I have a weird way of looking at things an that I notice things others miss, but sometimes I wonder whether other would spot something I did. My daughter, Jasmine is in the last few weeks of an overseas trip after finishing high school. She went to New York City with some friends only to arrive just before the big blackout. They had fun, found a bar with power, joined in the generally good vibe with all the people on the street. The next morning they found their car had been broken into and she had lost a bag full of clothes that she had bought - hopefully her travel insurance will cover it - but she will never see her 5 mth travel journal again :( I was curious about the blackout and saw an item on google news. I laughed at the irony, but I genuinely wonder, do other people spot this sort of thing?  If you can't find what I am talking about, select from here > the "no blackouts" line in the ad < to here A few weeks ago I was doing a freebie show to help raise money for Clown Doctors. I was backing my car into a space in the car park under the ANA hotel, glad to have found an empty spot. Checking the left outside mirror, the right outside mirror and middle windescreen mirror I was moving slowly back making sure I was clear of the concrete post on one side, car on the other and car behind. Suddenly BANG!!! Puzzled I got out and found shattered glass all over the ground behind the car, a missing rear window and an overhead projection projecting from overhead through where the window used to be. This bloody thing was just 2cm below the top of the car and I just hadn't noticed it - despite the diagonal yellow and black lines urging people to notice it. I was not particularly happy about it, but the power of positive thinking kicked in - I wasn't going to get stressed right before a show. Next day I started the search for a new back window from wreckers. Since our car - a Ford Raider - is not common, despite invoking the power of positive thinking again, I was not optimistic and despite numerous phone calls, just couldn't find one. Off to the panel beater for a quote and decide if it was worth an insurance claim. Can you guess how much is costs to replace rear window glass, a wiper arm and a bit of paint? BZZZZZZ (sound of game-show style buzzer when wrong answer is given) In fact, the correct answer was $1250! As you can see from part of the quote, the glass alone cost $504.  The wiper arm cost $174!!!! There must be something special about it, right?  Wrong! Deep inside of me I know there is a punchline about being charged an arm and a leg, but I can't think of it. This space intentionally left blank. Well, not really, but I can't figure out how to delete an entry. Friday, August 15, 2003
This is not the first time I have seen one of these - to be fooled you would have to be a bit thick. Westpac are a bunch of arseholes and deserve what they get, but not fair to rip off the dickheads. The way it works is that people clone the Westpac website and try to get you to log in - they then have your ID and password. But really, the English should be a giveaway. I heard it was some people in Florida - most likely, the grammar reflects the state of American education.
Thursday, August 14, 2003
This is a true story - since the nameless people at BigPond have no names I have not changed the names to protect anyone: This morning, at his request, I tried connecting someone up to Telstra Big Pond ISDN. We started by using the connection disk that came with his ISDN modem, after all, it did say "the easy way to connect to Big Pond" but I should know better than to believe anything associated with the Internet. It was pretty straight forward until the point where we had to choose a plan. When we got to the "choose your plan" area, there were no ISDN plans to choose. I tried a few alternatives and eventually called Big Pond. I started at sales, as that was the number it had to call. They were helpful but couldn't solve the problem and transferred me to support. I would use the term "flicked me to support" but "flick" implies it happened quickly. It did not - was on hold for ages. The support techie was helpful and tried loads of different things while explaining "this isn't really my job, I only know email (except Outlook) and browsers" and couldn’t solve the problem so "flicked" me back to sales (see above clarification on 'flicked'). The sales person was singularly unhelpful despite assuring me "I can understand your frustration, I am trying to help" - I guess that she could hear the tone in my voice after 1 1/2 hours on the phone to Big Pond. We went through the online application but it didn't work. There were still no ISDN plans to choose from. So we went through the online application, but it didn't work. So we went through the online application, but it didn't work. So we went through the online application, but it didn't work. I lost count of how many times I filled in the bloody application form, but it was enough times so that eventually I knew my customer's details including driver's license number by heart. Alas, it didn't work. The interim "solution" was to choose an analogue plan and then they would change it to ISDN. Too easy - except, she couldn't manage to change the plan. At this point I lost it "I want to speak to someone who can change the account from analogue to ISDN, someone who can do it NOW!". Guess what, no one can do that. There was definitely the sound of relief when I asked to speak to a supervisor. In this case, I won't even use the word flicked because I was on hold for at least 10 minutes before the same woman came back and said "It seems you have the wrong CD, I will send you a new one. You can only access ISDN after you install it from the CD". So, it took 2 hours and 15 minutes for them to work out that a CD that came with a modem installed 2 days ago was the wrong one! After I settled down (I didn't) I thought "hmmm...I wonder" and tried to connect via ISDN. It worked :P No doubt using the CD will break it, but if you think I am calling Big Pond support, you can get fLIcked! Sunday, August 03, 2003
Friday, August 01, 2003
ring ring...ring ring me: Good morning her: Good morning, can I please speak to the manager me: (thinks: cold call) That's me her: I'm from the Hunter Valley Wine Society me: I already have a wine her: pardon? me: my whine is that I get these fucking phone calls ! CLICK Monday, July 21, 2003
New version of MSN messenger has some good time wasters. I even have a profile now - will see if I get some suitors Friday, July 18, 2003
What does it say about us that this was discovered by a goup of Aussies? But so what if you don't have prostate cancer if you are blind? Masturbation protects against prostate cancer: study Thu, 17 Jul 2003 A new study suggests frequent masturbation by men in their 20s provides protection against prostate cancer later in life. Scientists in Australia determined that men in their 20s who ejaculated more than five times a week were a third less likely to develop aggressive prostate cancer later in life. The study suggests ejaculation by means of masturbation provides better protection than ejaculation in sexual intercourse because men can pick up infections from intercourse that actually increase the risk of getting prostate cancer. The Australian team was headed by Graham Giles of The Cancer Council of Victoria in Melbourne. Saturday, July 12, 2003
Wednesday, July 09, 2003
Time slips away and nothing gets added...but this one is a real gem. I wonder if there is a men's version...  Monday, June 23, 2003
 I am not sure the word suspicious does "680 tons of explosives" justice. For the metric mob...it is 616,000 kilos! Saturday, June 21, 2003
Someone once said "If someone calls you a horse, they are crazy. If two people call you a horse it is a conspiracy. If three people call you a horse, go buy a saddle." In keeping with that sentiment, I have renamed my blog, as people are often saying that I must have too much time on my hands. Often it is meant as an insult, but if someone tells me I am crazy, an idiot or "you lie and your* disruptive" I take it as an compliment. * this was written but the same person who won the gobbledegook award on June 19th (below)...see what I have to put up with? Why is that idiots keep throwing me a challenge? Heinz seems to have made a blunder with a spelling mistake on their tomato sauce sachets at Hungry Jacks (Thanks Sharpy for pointing this out)  Continuing a "too much time on my hands" theme, a comment often made to me and one of which I am proud, I contacted Heinz to ask them what Tomotoes are. Their reply is that there is no such thing. I responded: "If there is no such thing, why is it listed in the ingredients? Is it true that they are genetically modified tomatoes given a trade marked name and you are just hiding the truth?" They have referrred it to marketing for a report. I am still waiting. Thursday, June 19, 2003
I think I might start a new award...nothing original about Gobbledegook Awards, but this will be good stuff I receive directly. Hands up everyone who thinks 3 weeks is a reasonable wait for a dead $60 product that is only 2 months old? None? Me neither. So I complained and my customer wanted to get stuck into the distributor...not me...not my supplier who I thought was trying their best, I was just passing on the pressure I was copping. Emails from this company are often full of creative grammar and spelling, but this one is excellent: Respecting what you have said, considering our open policy publicly available and on your dealer application we defiantly to not meet your criteria as a suitable supplier to your business. I Therefore we respect that we will not receive any further custom from you.I couldn't have made up something as cool as that :o) Anyway I replied agreeing that having customers is a real problem and I was pleased to see they are taking a pro-active approach to getting rid of them - at least I think that's what it means. Tuesday, June 17, 2003
I really sent this...I hope they have a sense of humour at Queensland Transport Queensland Transport IVR - this apparently stands for Interactive Voice Response...but no, you can't talk to them :P GPO 673 Fortitude Valley 4006 Dear computer, Sometime in April you sent me a Form F4087, commonly known as a Vehicle Registration Renewal Notice. It was for my Motorcycle UY 017 for the amount of $209.60, allowing for your generous “if paid on time” discount. On May 26th I contacted the Westpac computer (related?) and told it to send to you via bPay $573.50, which was, in fact the amount I had paid two days previously for my car. A slight processing error at my end. But, you took the money none-the-less. I received no notification from you or the people who operate you advising that you had kept $363.90. A significant processing error at your end…in my opinion. I can only assume that this is the first time such a thing has happened in the magnificent history of Queensland Transport and there is no procedure in place to deal with it. Please establish one. Can you please dig into your database and credit my Westpac account with the missing $369.90. Actually, since you must have a lot of such “mislaid” funds can you please send me a bit extra. Alternatively, do you have a system where the money can be held and automatically transferred as “payments” to police officers who catch me speeding? Please advise. Note the high quality of this photo from The Indian Express. But you can't fault the caption :o)  For international friends, the "unidentified official" is the Australian Prime Minister...as usual, partially obscured. Monday, June 16, 2003
Along the M1 freeway between the Gold Coast and Brisbane they have really expensive signs they can change the wording on. The other day it said "Don't follow too closely". Well, I took it a step further and completely ignored it. Had a call from the Bowel Cancer Society. To raise money, they are selling the Bowel Cook Book. I explained that even if I wasn't a vegetarian, I doubt it is something I would eat. She was speechless Our local Cash Converters outlet was broken into on the weekend and a heap of stuff was stolen. They had bought it all back by lunchtime. Tuesday, June 10, 2003
Sunday, June 08, 2003
I knew it would happen one day...all I got in my email this morning was spam :P The good news is, none of it ended up in my inbox thanks to spampal - can't recommend it highly enough. I have it set to put "SPAM ****" at the front of the subject of anything it identifies as spam, then I have my email client filter anthing with "SPAM ***" into a spam box so I can check it...just in case there are some false positives. I am starting to trust it more and more. But I do love getting spam from local companies, especially when they are dumb enough to put a phone number on it :o) Sunday, June 01, 2003
Thursday, May 29, 2003
After receiving my latest batch of telemarketing calls, I may have a money-making solution. I asked the guy from Affordable Holidays Noosa if he could ring me back on my 1-900 number, he said he could. So, if I get a 1-900 number and charge a $25.00 flat rate I may be able to make a few $$ from these bastards. Of the $25.00 Telstra takes $5.00, the service provider takes $3.83 which leaves $16.17 for me...not bad, especially if I say "no thanks, not interested" and hang up. That's the up side. The down side is a $325.00 setup fee and ongoing $10/month "rental". I might do a survey of the telemarketers and see if it will pay off. I need 20 calls to cover the set up cost and then one a month to stay in front. Tuesday, May 27, 2003
Great idea...Drum Muster. They collect old chemical drums from farms. There seems to be a problem with the system though. What is the point of collecting the drums when they have to be rinsed out first? Excuse my cynicism...no, don't excuse it, just tolerate it...but I reckon that the average farmer will either;
 I spoke to them about it and they conceded it is a loophole big enough to drive an Iraqi mobile chemical plant through, but they weren't interested in doing something useful, like collecting unrinsed or partly filled drums to get rid of the shit properly Law makers sometimes have good intentions, but then they let the bureaucrats at it. Sunday, May 25, 2003
 Would you stay anywhere where the kids package included unlimited wine and beer? Imagine them all around the piano singing "Bob the Builder" all night. Wednesday, May 21, 2003
I am coming to the conclusion that my purpose in life is to attract corporate stupidity. A while back, during a particularly violent electrical storm, I had a fairly expensive Cisco router fried...a chip had a hole blown in it So now, I was up for around $US55 for a single chip that cost $US11.50. A flurry of emails saw no satisfaction - they would provide a full refund including shipping if I returned the lot...to Texas...at my expense. A "refund request" to my credit card providor became the obvious solution so I put the wheels in motion with loads of documentation. Exhibit A - Cardboard box measuring 32cm x 23cm x 22cm = 36,960 cubic cm (yes, we are metric)Hmmm, interesting product volume/package volume stats...wonder how it shapes up on weight? Total weight of box as marked = 3lb 2ozExcellent - 0.0003% of volume and 0.2% of weight. 
To be fair to Allied, after I sent them these calculations, they have agreed to refund the shipping charges, but really, someone should shoot the dick that did the packaging in the first place...hang on, in Texas they use lethal injections, don't they? |
|||||
. 
